Okay, so you’ve married your Prince Charming. The man of your dreams swept you off your feet, and you two fell madly in love. You couldn’t get enough of each other, and knew that life with him would always be amazing.
But here’s the thing: Cracks appear in any relationship. There are ups, but there are also downs. It’s natural. You can’t live with someone forever on end and not expect there to be some conflict.
Some couples instinctively know how to ride with the conflict and overcome it. Others, however, find it a bit more difficult.
The first piece of good news, then, is that you and your husband are not the only couple to find the ground a bit unsteady as you both adjust to modern life. The second piece of good news is that there are a few hacks that will help you as newlywed’s have a happier, longer lasting marriage. Let’s take a look at 10 of them!
Apply The 5:1 Rule
No, we’re not asking that you become an amateur mathematician for the sake of your relationship. That would be totally cray! But okay, if you haven’t heard of the 5:1 rule, here it is.
Basically, whenever you find yourself dwelling on one of your husband’s negative habits, it’s super important that you then think of five of his good traits.
Let’s say he annoys you by forgetting to put the toilet seat down again. We know. It’s annoying. But instead of working yourself up about this, think about five of his good points. Remind yourself what a kind person he is. Make yourself laugh as you remember his jokes.
Doing this will stop yourself focusing on his negativity qualities, which in time can really destroy a marriage.
Accept That You Two Enjoy Different Things
Maybe you thought he’d give up one or two of his hobbies that didn’t involve you when you guys got married. But nope, he still wants to pursue them. Which means there will be times when he does stuff which doesn’t involve you.
But so what? It isn’t a big deal. In fact, it’s healthy that you two enjoy different things.
Don’t pester him to involve you in everything he does. Let him have his space.
Go And Bond With Your In-Laws
Ah, the in-laws. Apparently, in-laws can make or break a marriage. Sure, some in-laws seemingly won’t try to get along with us no matter how much we try, but in reality if you put in the effort to warmly receive them, they will warm towards you.
It’s important that in the early days of your marriage, you both make the effort to see each other’s in-laws. This is not just to impress the old folks; it will also show your spouse that you care.
The last thing they want is for you to be flippant about their parents.
Also, Learn How To Deal With Meddling
Maybe you don’t even have to impress your in-laws. Maybe they already seem to like you. Maybe they’re always around your place instead.
Maybe they’re always around too much.
Maybe they meddle.
Give you advice.
Tell you what to do and what not to do and OMG.
In-laws can be really bad when it comes to meddling. It’s important that you don’t respond with sarcasm or lose your temper. Just listen to them, acknowledge their input and politely agree or disagree.
Picture the scene: It’s finally the weekend and you can’t wait to head out to the shops – something you’ve been looking forward to all week. You and your partner will go for a meal afterwards.
But hold on a minute. You tell your husband to get ready (because he’s joining you, of course), but he tells you he isn’t coming. He’s got a soccer game to go to.
“What soccer game?” you ask.
“The soccer game.”
You had no idea about it because he never told you. In his defence, you never told him about your plans to take him shopping, before you both go for a meal. Instead, you just assumed he’d be free to spend the day with you.
Never make these kind of assumptions. Always plan ahead to prevent unnecessary arguments. It’s wiser!
Don’t Rush Baby Talk
Before you proposed, you probably got tired of your friends asking when he was going to propose. And now that you’re married, you’re probably already tired of folk asking when you two are going to have a baby.
Don’t feel pressured to rush into this one. Your husband might not be ready, and maybe you aren’t either. Ultimately, having kids is your decision. If you’re not ready, you’re not ready. It’s as simple as that.
Don’t Flirt On Social Media
This one is a tricky one, especially if you’ve always been quite open with your male friends, especially on social media. But basically, if you’ve been a massive flirt with your male buddies in the past on Facebook, it’s time to stop now.
Sure, you can still respond to comments. But your tone must be friendly and not flirtatious. Otherwise, it’s going to make your husband feel weak, and it’s going to annoy the heck out of him. You’re his now. And that’s it.
Decide With A Game
When you were single, you didn’t have to ask for anyone else’s confirmation when you had a decision to make. If you wanted to go backpacking in Thailand, that is exactly what you would do. No one would be able to stop you.
Things are different now, though, and it’s important you realise that you are not the only decision-maker here.
However, reaching a decision about important stuff like vacations can be tricky. You want to go to somewhere warm like Miami, while he wants to go hiking in the Alps. To save a lot of aggro, why not play a game to decide who wins? It’s fun and doesn’t leave any room for resentment.
Make A Bucket List
Newlyweds should always make a bucket list. Not only is the process of making a joint one so exciting, but it also gives you both something to look forward to together.
We all make our own to-do lists. But creating a shared bucket list means you’re both dreaming about the same things, and working towards the exact same goal.
And knowing you’re going to be crossing off some amazing stuff together with your life partner is incredibly satisfying, no?
Be Positive, Always
Negative thinking is what kills relationships, friendships – and especially marriage. Sure, we work harder to overcome problems in a marriage because much more is at stake, but if as newlyweds you allow the negative feelings to creep in almost immediately, it’s going to set a very dire tone.
Try to be positive as much as possible. When your partner returns home from work, don’t immediately complain to them that you had a bad day. Make them smile. Ask them how their day was before focusing on the positive things that happened to you. Even if just one single positive thing happened to you, mention it before any negative stuff.